The Power of Meaningful Interaction

The skill of interacting with people, whether socially or professionally, is like having one of the most powerful nukes in our arsenal. The tenets and the dynamics of having engaging conversations are the same for any situation. Once we have a clear understanding of these ‘mantras’, they raise our popularity quotient and make us one of the most sought-after personages.

The Introduction

Very often we feel handicapped because sometimes in our interactions, we may start well but somewhere in the middle, there are long and uncomfortable pauses. What to say next? We do not know. To avoid landing in such gobsmacking situations, let us be clear with a few ground rules. For instance, let us be clear why we want this conversation? What is the aim? Is it to familiarize ourselves with the other person, make an inquiry, widen our network or make a sales pitch. If we have a basic understanding of our intent, it helps us to strategize better.

 Research has shown that for all sorts of situations the best opening line is simple old---“Hello, How are you?” Everyone uses this simplest salutation, but our body language while vocalizing it makes all the difference. If we have open palms, upright shoulders, a warm smile, and a steady handshake---we would never go wrong with it.

The conversation begins

Once the ice has been broken then we can have common conversation starters like---introducing ourselves, asking a neutral question, complimenting the other person over something, commenting over neutral things around us, etc. We also try to find some common sparks with the other person in terms of common associations, interests, background, profession, etc. However, we should be discreet in sharing our phone number or business card. We can have a conversation till the time we feel comfortable, and then make a graceful exit by politely telling the person that it was wonderful meeting her/him and wish her/him all the best for their future.

Interactions with a group

 An unprecedented situation may also arise where we happen to be a part of a gathering and we do not know anybody. What do we do in such a situation? In such a case we can observe the body language of people or of groups who would welcome a third party. If people are sitting with their toes aligned and having a conversation, it means that they are busy in their interaction and the third person would be seen as an intruder. On the other hand, if their toes and bodies are not angled towards each other, but facing outwards, means that it is an open and friendlier group to join. Sitting in a corner, reading or writing messages on our phone, having a ‘hands off’ or a gloomy look would never encourage anyone else to come and socialize with us.

 It is a good idea to join and begin our conversation with ‘a seemingly amiable person/group.’ The biggest misconception that most of us harbor is that in order to gel socially or professionally we have to come across as knowledgeable. We have to say something intelligent or enlightening to get noticed and get people’s attention. On the contrary, to be a good conversationalist one should be a good listener. In fact, attentive and empathetic listening can help us much more in interacting than aggressive talking. Everyone loves being listened to and if we can give responses based on intelligent listening with the right body language like a nod and receptive facial expressions, we have done our ice breaking. The aim should be to meaningfully and productively extend the conversation rather than giving our own expert opinion or an obvious display of our knowledge about a subject. Listen to respond, not to speak next.

Words….words…..words

 It is so surprising that we all speak the same language, but the vibes that we get or exude are so different. Asking someone a simple question like, “How do you do it?” would invite a much warmer and a detailed response than asking, “Can you do it?”. It is always easier to interact if we come across as open and warm individuals rather than a curt and cold professional. Involving ourselves genuinely in a conversation pays a richer dividend than thinking---Oh! How am I looking? What is the impression I will give to that beautiful lady/ handsome hunk if I say this? How does my voice sound……etc….etc. Stash these self-doubts in a cold freeze and flow with the flow.

Another trait that can prove to be highly offensive to people is when we rudely interrupt them in the middle of what they are saying and we go on our own merry trip, hijacking or monopolizing the conversation. It is like we go to visit a patient and ask about his/her wellbeing and we ramble on with our own boisterous description of ‘how my dog died last month’.

 Behavioral scientists have proven that if we ‘coordinate’ with the mood of the speaker or the group then it is easier for us to be a part of it. Imagine if former Prime Minister of India, Dr. Manmohan Singh, and the former US president Mr. Donald Trump were to communicate socially. What a mismatch it would be in every sense of the term. To be an effective leader or an assertive communicator we don’t have to talk in a loud pitch and shout to show ‘who is the boss’. Soft-spokenness is sometimes more compelling than speaking in a cacophonous volume. What matters is the content and how it is delivered. Sometimes we need to be quiet to make real noise, and always remember that actions speak louder than words.

 So, to have dazzling (if I may use the word) and productive interactions both socially and professionally, we should sound genuine and believable. We don’t have to paint a picture that is overly positive or negative, but the one which is relatable, something which gives us----a slice of life. When we have back and forth conversations, of similar magnitudes and dimensions, then we do the real ice breaking and set the ball rolling for ourselves.